I was wrong - today sucks.

Our honored teammate, Natasha, passed today. Please keep her family, my teammates and especially my teammate, Shannon, Natasha's very best friend, in your prayers.
I hate cancer.

Today is...

Today is...
Going to be a GREAT day!!! Nothing spectacular going on...I just feel very hopeful and happy today. The above pic is the kids at church a couple of week ago. Each week, their favorite thing about church (now that cookies have been cut out of the budget ;o) is sitting on Jesus!! Rain or shine, they want to be next to him. I feel kind of funny about climbing on him myself, but you will often find me holding his outreached hand.

Yesterday was my first real leg workout in a long long long time. It's hard when you are running and biking so much to want to actually kill your legs in the gym, but I'm going to do it anyway. I did do a workout at home a few weeks ago with free weights that just killed my legs for like a week, so if using 30 pound dumbbells could do that to me, I was worried what it would be like to do a real workout. I did keep it rather light, but I was a sweaty mess by the time I got to squats at the end. You forget how high your heart rate gets doing squats when you haven't done them for a while. So I did squats, leg press, leg curls, extensions, and seated calf raises - all my favorite easy go-to exercises and my legs are def sore today, but I think I'll survive.

I think I'm going to do a 12 week periodization with these same exercises. I'll use The Leanness Lifestyle's Muscle Professor. It is an awesome tool. Dave Greenwalt's website is awesome, too!!! First about the Muscle Professor. Coach Dave has a vast array of workouts to choose from and each day you print out your workout and it tells you exactly what to do: which exercise, what weight, the reps, the sets, the tempo and you just follow it all the way to the bottom of the page and you're done. Then you input the weights/reps you actually did (whether it was what the printout told you to do or if you had to drop the weight a bit or couldn't quite get in that lest rep) and it will spit out your next workout with increases based on what you did last time. It really is a fun tool! I plan on doing the Awesome Periodization workouts that are split into legs one day, chest/shoulder/bicep one day and back/tris one day. You can change up the exercises to ones you prefer if you don't like the one's he has picked out. You can also create your own which is really simple and I've done this quite a few times. The only time it hasn't worked well for me was when I was doing DoggCrapp, but it is seriously a very cool tool. He even has a BFL template that really really brings BFL workouts alive for you. Anyways, I'm a lifetime member so I'm not even sure what he charges for membership anymore, but you might want to check it out. His nutrition analyzer for logging foods is exceptional as well.

I have to apologize for the lack of PDL posts lately. I was telling Helen yesterday that it is just so hard to put into words what this book means to me. I was trying to highlight points on this blog that struck a chord with me, but seriously...my entire book is covered with sticky notes and highlighter and I would have to copy the book down word for word for you to see everything that is touching on my heart. And it's so personal that either I can't put it into words to explain how it's affecting me or it's just too personal to put into words at all.

So please forgive my inconsistency in PDL posts. I am too far behind in posting my thoughts to even get caught up so I will just start with some from Day 23 and move forward until the kids wake up...which will be any time, so I better get to typing:

Day 23 "God has given you a new life; now you are responsible to develop it "with fear and trembling". That means to take your spiritual growth seriously! When people are casual about their spiritual growth, it shows they don't understand the eternal implications.
*I think this is important and overlooked by so many people who are on auto pilot in their faith, however a point made on day 29 really made me realize that although I feel like I am taking my spiritual growth seriously, I might be going about it the wrong way.

I have OUCH! written next to this statement on page 231 "The last thing many believers need today is to go to another Bible study. They already know far more than they are putting into practice. What they need are serving experiences in which they can exercise their spiritual muscles." Ding Ding Ding!! That is me. I not only am running from bible study to bible study but I've got so many other books going at one time that it's stressing me out and although much of it gives an immediate impact to me and makes me think - I never take the time to really put it into practice. For instance, right now I am reading PDL, doing a weekly womens study on Esther, reading The First Easter and actually opened up a new book and started reading it last week from Pastor Cordeiro. It's too much and I'm missing God's voice in all the hustle and bustle.
I. Must. Slow. Down.

Really?

Really? It's Saturday morning and I'm out in the cold and rain for a bike ride? A 45 mile ride with hills?
This was the same ride I did last year that I ended up cutting off about 20 miles because we were beat, behind, and sore. This year I had something to prove, so although I really wanted to turn around at the aid station, I somehow managed to talk myself into continuing on to Pumpkin Ridge.

The ride started out with Coach Jane giving us a little speech that basically said, "it's raining. Suck it up!" She told us what her coach told her - for every negative that comes out of our mouths (or into our minds) we need to counteract it with two positives. This short but sweet speech actually ended up playing over and over in my mind today. Any time a negative entered my mind: "I can't feel my feet anymore, but I know that they are probably turning to rot right now in these soaking wet shoes" got counteracted with I HAVEN'T HAD A FLAT YET!! YEHAW!!
"My chafed crotch has now fused to my seat" got counteracted with I HAVEN'T HAD A FLAT YET!! WHOOHOOO!!! "My fingers won't obey my commands to shift or brake (uh oh)" got counteracted with I HAVEN'T HAD A FLAT YET!!! THANK YOU, GOD!!
So you see, Jane was my hero for this ride and so when I saw her at the finish line I gave her a nice wet, muddy, stinky hug. I feel kind of bad about that now...

So we went up and up and up and up and up and up skyline. Sucked! But, I counteracted that with, "hey, I remember this hill from last year when I WALKED UP IT!!!". YES!!! Rode that last hill all the way up!!! Out of my seat and with nothing left to give, but I did it!! Downhill from there - and we were flying at one point - scary flying - and then hit a hill that did in my bike. My chain got stuck in a very wrong gear and it was pointless to try to keep riding, so I got off and when I realized I was walking as fast as everyone else was riding, I just gave my crotch a little break.

Back on and away we go to the aid station where we realized just HOW WET and COLD we were. This was where my mind told me turn back and not attempt Pumpkin Ridge - I've never done PR before and all I knew about it was that it is 7 miles uphill. I was concerned most that I was going to bonk because although I came well prepared with gels and bars and drink, I wasn't using any of them because it was too cold to try to eat/drink while riding with fingers that already were not braking or shifting and it was too cold to stop to try to get stuff in me - didn't seem worth it to get the shivers back...so on we went.

The rain felt like hail or tacks flying at our faces on the downhills, but I was stuck now...too far out for me to reasonably make it back on my own without getting lost, plus I wanted to kick this ride in the butt!! We made it up Pumpkin Ridge no problem. Michelle talked me up almost the whole way and before I knew it we were heading back down. Sooooo
Coooooooooooooooooooooooold. I've got nothing else to say. It just sucked. Sorry, Coach Jane.

We made it back in 3:25:19 with 45.77 miles under our belts. FELT FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!
I thought I was going to start crying trying to get my bike back on the truck. I had to sit in the truck for like 15 minutes with the heater on full blast just to get me warmed up enough to drive safely. I couldn't feel my feet at all. Actually that's not true, it just felt like I had two big blocks attached to my legs. I was shivering so hard my jaw locked up. I'm not making this stuff up.
ALL WORTH IT, THOUGH!!! It's workouts like this that make you all fuzzy for the rest of the day.

Well, my head is starting to get kind of woozy and warm...so I'm off to hit the couch for some well earned zzzzzzzs.

UPDATE: Of the entire team, 8 people made it through the entire 45 miles to include Pumpkin Ridge. All 8 were...

GIRLS!!!!! WOOT !!!

Flat Tires

Back from a nice relaxing weekend in Eugene. After a rough Saturday night of getting used to sleeping next to Mai and two dreams of death (Mom and Mai -eeeek) I still managed to get a decent night's sleep and was bright eyed and ready for the message at my brother and SIL's church Sunday Morning. They had guest pastor, Wayne Cordeiro from Honolulu who was just wonderful. I've already got his March 1st video on demand on "No Neutrality" up on my computer and ready to listen to as I work this morning. I also couldn't leave church on Sunday without buying two of his books. There were quite a few to choose from and as Jenny and I thumbed through them, a friend of Pastor Cordeiro's handed me a particular book and told me I should buy it. Jenny and I looked at the title and the back cover and both shrugged our shoulders and said to each other "not for me" and I put it back. The man picked it up again and put it in my hands and said "I think you should buy this one"...so I did. Hmmm...

Had a good day visiting with the family on Sunday and then had a fantastic 9 hour night of sleep before Dad and I headed out on our bikes on Monday. He had devised a somewhat horrendous bike ride for us. We drove it Sunday and it had two loooong hills that appeared to be somewhat atrocious. It snowed on us a bit so we knew it would probably be a cooold ride on Monday. So, we parked the truck, unloaded the bikes and headed out on about a 2 mile downhill warm -up. We stopped at the grange and Dad noticed my rear tire looked flat. We pumped it up a bit and decided to get to the base of the first hill to check it out again, so a mile later we decided it was definitely flat. Ended up I had pinched the tube, which I thought I had, but couldn't figure out how to not pinch it (it was right at the valve stem and for the life of me, I could not get it to not appear to be pinching it).

Got it fixed and headed up the first hill. I was in my granny gear from the start, but made it to the top with relative ease. I would say I didn't drop below 5.8mph on this stretch and I know that in my mountain bike I would have been at about 3mph or off the bike at some point. I felt fairly triumphant at the top. I waited for Dad a bit at the fire station, but he had told me to go on ahead and he would follow me, so I headed down the hill and it felt sooooooooo good to be flying along...until my rear tire blew! Now, that was scary - going downhill when it blew. Dad soon followed and we fixed my second flat of the day...and with no more tubes with me, I decided to not try to make it down the entire next hill as we knew it was a very rough road going down and Dad was turning back up the hill to follow a different route to finish his ride. I hate riding by myself, however, I did go half way down the hill and then started the climb back up. At one point, 3 humonguous (and I mean HUMONGOUS) turkeys were blocking the road. I am deathly afraid of turkeys. So I had a decision to make - stop and wait for them to move on...and possibly charge at me and peck me to death, or ride as fast as I could UPHILL and not let them get me as I passed between them. I chose to ride, Sally, ride.

You'll be glad to know...

I survived.

I survived just in time to get lost. Yes, why was I out on my own? Dad said no matter where I was, he would be in the truck and he would find me. I think this was under the assumption that when I hit Lorane Hwy, I would turn right, not left.
We eventually reconnected and called it a day. It was quite shorter than 40 miles. I haven't looked at my bike computer yet, but I think maybe 26 miles with two nice hill climbs, so I was happy. Just as we headed back home in the nice warm truck, it started to rain, so I think it was perfect timing :o)

Back later to talk about PDL. How is everyone feeling about the last couple of days in the book? Are you connecting with it or is it getting less interesting? How are you doing?

Saturday Run

I'm off to Eugene for a few days to spend some time with the folks. You can find today's workout here .

Cookie Pizza and Stuff

Mai has had this princess magazine for about a year now and there was a recipe in it for a cookie pizza. I've been promising her we would make it for like...well, a year now. We finally got around to it - spent about $15 on ingredients and when all was said and done, ick. No one liked what I did to sweeten the cream cheese "sauce" so although we had a really good time making it, most of it went in the trash :-(

Mai is very into fashion. I let her pick out her own clothes (or rather, she does what she wants and I have little say in the matter)...teen years are going to be
H.
A.
R.
D.

Anyways, I love this outfit she put together. She says she gets a little nervous these days if things don't match quite right. This ensemble was perfect she said - polka dots on top and bottom and 3 matching black accessories. In her world, tights worn by themselves are perfectly acceptable.

ok, on to PDL ~ My interest has wavered along these last few chapters in the past, but this time they are really speaking to me. Here's just a few standout phrases and sentences for me.

I had bookmarked something back on Day12 that I'm not sure I mentioned before. "You are as close to God as you choose to be." I think for the most part this is true. We have choices to make and when we feel very distant from God I think we have to look at the choices we are making to realize it is not God that is distant from us, but the other way around. In Day 14, he says, "The most common mistake Christians make in worship today is seeking an experience rather than seeking God." I often pray to God, please just show me that you are here right now...
it's to make myself feel better or to just feel Him. I think for the most part it is to comfort myself, but it's also often to just feel Him because being obviously in his presence is the most wonderful feeling of all. However, we are to praise Him for who He is, not for our own "feeling".

Day 16 had me highlighting like crazy. "Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about finding time time for our children or making time for people in our lives. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many other tasks. BUT GOD SAYS RELATIONSHIPS ARE WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT...
Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life. So why do we allow our relationships to get the short end of the stick? When our schedules become overloaded, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving the time, energy, and attention that loving relationships require. What's most important to God is displaced by what's urgent."
I have just been missing the point of all of this thing called life. My path is once again giving me the opportunity to choose what is right and best and ultimately freedom. Will I choose it this time or just keep going past like usual?

P127 "The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. it is focused attention. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment." My thoughts totally went to my children here...then on to other people, but my children first.

I loved page 128 under The Best Time to Love is Now.

Totally convicted by day 17s thought "It may seem easier to be holy when no one else is around to frustrate your preferences, but that is a false, untested holiness. Isolation breeds deceitfulness; it is easy to fool ourselves into thinking we are mature if there is no one to challenge us. Real maturity shows up in relationships." and also "God wants you to love real people, not ideal people."

ok, just looked at the clock and realized it's time to wake the boy up. He missed three days of school this week and tomorrow starts Spring break so I'm going to try to slip him in for one day so he can do his much practiced Pinguin Speech today.

Somethin' ain't right

Decent night's sleep Saturday - up bright and early for the Shamrock Run on Sunday. A bunch of us TNTers did the 15k. It was incredibly rainy and windy, but I worked up a good sweat so at least I was warm. I had deep concerns about this run because I was unable to run on Friday due to shin splints. I was pretty sure I would not be able to finish - maybe even not start, but once I got rolling yesterday, I knew that I would cross the finish line. Did about 2 miles in the pool last night and was SO ready for bed when I got home. Up early with dear sick boy again. Finally took him into the doctor since he started complaining of ear pain. Double ear infection :-(

So, I usually don't talk too much on here about my troubles as I tend to think they are much less troublesome than other people's troubles. BUT, as my title suggests, Somethin' ain't right...and it hasn't been right in a long time and I just don't know how much longer I can take it. Not just one thing, but many...and I feel like this place I'm in is never going to end. I know what you're thinking... pray about it, have faith, learn whatever it is I'm supposed to be learning and all those things that I know I'm supposed to do...but today I feel defeated and I can't stand it. I guess I can "take it" for as long as it lasts and I probably will "take it"...but it plain sucks and I can't get past that today.

Do you guys ever read the NieNie dialogues on my side bar? She is an amazing woman with an amazing story. Read back through her blog if you can. You won't regret it.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'....Raining, Raining, Raining

Today was a lot of rollin' in the rain.

PHEW! Glad that's over with. That's all I've got to say.

Ok, fine...I'll fill you in if I can stay awake long enough to finish my thoughts. Today started at a very early 3:45am with a very sick boy by my side. After trying everything I could to get him to sleep, we realized it just wasn't happening, so up we were. Our group workout this week was a ride. We were meeting at the Kennedy School (an old school that has been renovated into a hotel/restaurant/theater/pub) in NE Portland and my directions seemed straightforward enough...AND I've been there before several times, but apparently the lack of sleep and my known problem with following directions had me out at the airport instead of at the Kennedy school with only minutes until the meeting time.

I finally arrived and we all got our bikes and gear ready and after a brief meeting with lots of laughs, we headed out into the hallway where Tiffany slipped on the hardwoods in her bike shoes. She went down hard and hit her tailbone and hurt so badly she could not get up. She was dizzy and in shock and so mad at herself for what this could mean to her season. We finally got rolling a bit later after getting her comfortable and off we went in the rain, the wind, and the cold. Seriously miserable weather today. I was so wet just getting ready to leave in the parking lot that I had trouble getting my gloves onto my wet hands.

Sheryl and Clay and Jeb and I headed out together as most everyone else had already gone ahead. The worst part of this first stretch was the wind. I felt very unstable so I just kept talking with Clay and before I knew it, we were past this particular danger. We caught up with Tim after a while and made it up to Mt. Tabor with a bit of huffing and puffing. Actually, the hill up to the entrance of Tabor was worse than the hill repeats we did inside of Tabor.

I felt pretty good. I was in my granny gear but I felt like I kept up much better than I ever did on my mountain bike. I felt pretty strong actually :O)

We did our repeats and then headed back home. The first flat tire of the day was Tim. We all stopped and started freezing up and Coach Scott sent us girls on our way after a bit. We knew the boys would catch up soon enough, but it was much sooner than we thought. For some reason, I pulled in front of Sheryl and was zooming away, but because I CANNOT be in the lead due to my above mentioned problem of getting lost, I kept looking back to make sure she was right behind me. I finally pulled to a stop and waited since we had made a descent and I knew Leslie was taking them a little slow. I waited some more, fear set in...did I make a wrong turn? Surely Sheryl would have followed me anyways to let me know that I was heading for trouble. Hm...I'm going to turn around, so I turn around and head back down the path, still no one. Finally, I see them up ahead - Leslie got a flat. The boys caught up and we all stayed together this time. Since I've never actually gotten a flat (just practiced changing a fake flat a lot) I asked what it felt like. They explained that I would start to feel every pebble in the road, etc. Hope I never get one - never got one all season last year, so luck is on my side :o)

Anyways, we got very cold. Poor Dan looked like a leaf shaking in the wind - put some fat on ya, boy! Wish I had those problems! It was C.O.L.D.

COLD.

COLD.

COLD.

We got rolling again and it was pretty uneventful until all of a sudden I realized that I was feeling every stinking pebble on the road. Oh MAN! I got my very first flat. A stinkin' mile away from the warmth of the Kennedy school. This was where the fact that I had needed to pee for the last 34 miles came into play. I really really really did not want to change a tire. I wasn't even sure I could get off my bike and not pee my pants. Sorry, I know - way too much information. BUT STILL! This was all wrong!

So I hemmed and hawed and talked Sheryl and TIm into letting me try to ride the rest of the way. It WAS a slow leak, but eventually Sheryl said, no good. It was too soft and we thought I might ruin the rim. It was the back tire, too! We got it all the way off and then decided we just needed to re-inflate it but that it looked like a slow leak from the valve not being closed all the way. Sounded good to me , so I filled it up, off we went and pulling back into that school and into the lavatory was heaven to me!

Looks like it wasn't the valve, though, the tire was completely flat when I got home, so I'll take a look at it tomorrow. Tonight, I'm beat and bed is calling me before our 10 mile run tomorrow.

Please keep Mom's friends in your prayers. Erica and Katherine have just come out of remission after going through stem cell transplants last year and Sue is being treated for a tumor along her spine. These are the people that we are fighting for in this race to find a cure. Thank you so much to everyone who has donated and for your prayers.

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

PDL Catch Up

I swear the days are getting away from me!! Are you all loving PDL? I figured I would do a quick post before I do some work here at my desk before it's the weekend again already!

First, I'm LOVING this book and it's impact on my life circumstances right now and how I am handling them. I may not be handling them all that well, but I'm able to put my trust in God more and more and I feel like I am finally growing up. AND A HUGE PLUS was my womens group at church started our new bible study yesterday. Another Beth Moore - her newest - on Queen Esther, above. I am overflippin'joyed about this study. We have something like 60 people in our study - it just keeps growing and growing!

PDL DAY 10 QTC: What area of my life am I holding back from God? So many things, but Definitely my prayer life. I have simply not been praying and worshiping. I have been studying, studying, studying...but that is not the same.

PDL DAY 11 QTC: What can I do to remind myself to think about God and talk to him more often throughout the day? I have been working on this one for sure this week with breath prayers. "I surrender to you, Lord" has been a mainstay this week. Also just the powerful and simple "I love you". Sometimes all I need to do is STOP and take a deep breath and tell him I love Him and all is alright with the world again. It all become clear what is important and what is small. Kind of like Abby's song about looking at Christ's face and all that is of earth becomes so plain and dim in the light of his glory and grace.

In Day 11 a couple of sentences in particular stood out to me: The key to friendship with God is not changing what you do, but changing your attitude toward what you do. What you normally do for youself you begin doing for God, whether it is eating, bathing, working, relaxing, or taking out the trash.
I have to say that I've tried this a couple of times this week. I figured if Pastor Warren says I should take a bath for God, then by God...I'll do just that ;o)
Seriously, though, I stood in the shower and I thought I need to rush right on out of here and get those kids out of bed and ready for school, but instead I let the water pour over my head and felt that amazing soft water cascading over my head and I thanked God that I get to take a hot shower in my own home - that I can afford to heat my water, that I get to be clean - a whole new appreciation for how much I take for granted in my world.

Also in Day 11 "...Just be sure that your motive is to honor God, not control him." This is so hard for me to get a grip on. I want to honor Him, but so often when I get to the root of it, I'm still trying to make out for myself.

PDL Day 12 QTC: What practical choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?
PRAYER TIME!
PRAYER TIME!
PRAYER TIME!
Continue to learn about His Word. Continue to have the hunger for these studies. Continue to be involved with my womanly community.

PDL DAY 13 QTC: Which is more pleasing to God right now - my public worship or my private worship? What will I do about this?
I think both are lacking and as I said above, my private worship is already on my mind. I need to think more about this one.

Nothin' But Blue

I had a 30-35 miler on the schedule yesterday but I had doubts it would get done with my late start. Forecast was predicting snow and I had heard downtown Portland had already seen some. As I contemplated, I saw the shortest snowfall I have ever seen and figured maybe that was it and I should get going while the going was good. As I was getting my tires pumped up to max PSI, the neighbor commented on if I was going to put chains on my bike wheels and just then it started to hail, bringing back memories of one of the most painful rides of last season when hail battered us from all angles. I headed out and for the entire 2 hour ride, all I had was blue sky above me and sunshine! I would look to my left, to my right and all I could see were scary clouds, but always above me, a ray of sunshine :o)

About halfway through the ride I decided to head down a bit of a hill. I had seen a sign for a Garden Club by the river and thought it would be a good place to stop and have a gel and a drink of water and a good hill to climb back up. As I reached the bottom and started slurping down my gel, I heard a big dog charging at me but assumed that of course, it was behind a fence somewhere. To my surprise it charged right around the corner at me completely free of fence or leash. As I calmed my heart, I forcefully told him to go home as he continue to stare at me and bark. I could see his muscles tensed and I felt sure he was going to leap onto me. I yelled at him again and headed up that hill as fast as I could. As I reached the top and started speeding as far away from him as I could get, I realized I didn't have my gloves on and immediately decided to NOT go back for them...then I looked down and amazingly they were still laying on my aerobar arm rests right where I had left them :o)
Came home and showered and changed so Mai and I could take Ki to Powell Butte. We hit snow/hail and rain on the freeway, but stayed completely dry on our walk :o)

PDL Day 9: What Makes God Smile?
Some of the main points I took away from this chapter were: "...obeying God wholeheartedly. That means doing whatever God asks without reservation or hesitation. You don't procrastinate and say, "I'll pray about it." You do it without delay. Every parent knows that delayed obedience is really disobedience."

And this - which is ME and I'm sure probably most Christians: "Often we try to offer God partial obedience. We want to pick and choose the commands we obey. We make a list of the commands we like and obey those while ignoring the ones we think are unreasonable, difficult, expensive, or unpopular...Yet partial obedience is disobedience.

I also spent some time musing over page 75 when he quotes God's Word ~ God says, "You have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn't ask, Why did you make me this way?"

What God looks at is the attitude of your heart: Is pleasing him your deepest desire? I would have to say no. Satisfying my own urges and wants is definitely outweighing His right now. I say I want to please Him, but again and again, I follow my own desires...even when those desires are obviously detrimental to my life. Grrrrr.

PDL Day 10 The Heart of Worship. The heart of worship is surrender.
Did anyone else love this chapter like I did? LOVED IT! However, as soon as I loved it, I swear the devil started working on me...encouraging me to feel uncomfortable with what I was thinking, making me want to put the book down, doubting my beliefs, putting a thought in my brain to stop this 40 day journey right now. I felt totally attacked.

"God wants your life - all of it. Ninety-Five percent is not enough." Does that hit you guys in the gut as much as it does me? I know this. I know God wants 100% and yet I can never seem to let the reigns go. I have not been willing to give Him this, which I suppose is why I am always so dissatisfied. It seems like the easy choice, doesn't it? Give Him your all and all the barriers break away. Keep even just 5% and you never truly find what you are looking for. It is such a huge decision and yet the only one.

SIDE NOTE: Something that keeps coming back to me over and over again since an earlier mention in a chapter about Hell being a place for Fallen Angels. If Heaven is so incredible, so wonderful and amazing to be in God's continual presence, WHY are there fallen angels? Will there be opportunities in Heaven for us to fall as well? Any insight from anyone?

ok, back to regularly scheduled stuff: I liked C.S. Lewis' observation "The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be...It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own."

Page 81 hit me hard with my current interest in facing up to the different facets of my personality: "You also know you're surrendered when you don't react to criticism and rush to defend yourself. Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You don't edge others out, you don't demand your rights, and you aren't self-serving when you're surrendered."

Page 82: "Everybody eventually surrenders to something or someone. If not to God, you will surrender to the opinions or expectations of others, to money, to resentment, to fear, or to your own pride, lusts, or ego. You were designed to worship God - and if you fail to worship him, you will create other things (idols) to give your life to. You are free to choose what you surrender to, but you are not free from the consequences of that choice. E. Stanley Jones said, "if you don't surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos."

I will be reading this chapter over again and again.

Weekend Group Run

Happy Sunday!! Yesterday started the weekend off right! I was hating life - major PMS and all that goes along with it and Mai absolutely HAD. TO. HAVE. ME. FIGURE. OUT. HOW. TO. SET. UP. HER. AMERICAN. IDOL. TV. GAME....
RIGHT. NOW!
So after an hour of me muttering naughty words under my breath with the kids underfoot, I finally got it in working order and got myself out the door, running late for my run. I almost bagged it. It started pouring down rain on my way to the meeting place and I was in such pain! and when I got there, not a parking spot to be found. By the time I got parked and ran back to the park, I figured they would have all taken off, but to my surprise everyone was still there :o)
I missed this run last year and for some reason I thought it was going to be a flat run. Wrong.
But with people beside you talking away, the hills seem less nasty and the time flies by. 80 minutes later we were back at the park. You can read the rest HERE

Picture above is our honored teammate, Natasha. As you read on my TNT blog, she is back in the hospital. Please keep this beautiful little girl in your prayers.

I had a really weird day yesterday. Started out great but by noon I had worked myself into a frenzy over some business stuff. I finally decided to take Ki out for a run in the rain to relieve some stress and about 2 blocks into it, I ended up not running, hyperventilating and crying. I couldn't shake it - didn't want to shake it, really. Why do I like to wallow in this crap?

Right now, I know there are several things culminating in me learning a huge lesson and this business stuff is part of it. I just wish I could figure out this life lesson sooner rather than later - it's really driving me nuts.

The day got a little funnier when Jack got home from school and said he told his friend, Grace, how old I was. Grace replied, "shouldn't she be dead by now?" HAHAHAHA!

Then I went to the grocery store and a checker waved me down to come to her line. She had heard Mai complaining the other day that she wanted me to replace a particular candy bar that Safeway doesn't carry. The day of Mai's MRI, I let her pick out a candy bar at the gift shop for after her procedure, but during the procedure they told me she couldn't eat for several hours after we left the hospital and so when I got ravenously hungry and didn't want to leave the area in case they called me for her, I ate the candy bar. Bad move. I'm sure she'll never forget the time her mom stole her candy bar.

So anyways, the checker hears us talking the other night and asks what kind of candy bar it was and then last night she hands me the candy bar and says she found it for us at Walgreen's. What kind of person does stuff like this? I love her! Made Mai's night! I might be forgiven now...
we'll see if she brings it up when she's a teenager.

Then a while later, two young men knocked on my door. I still don't know what church they were with, but for the first time in my life I decided to invite "them" in for a quick minute. Who are they, these people who go door to door? A hardy bunch I would imagine as there are so many unfriendly or just plain worn out people behind many doors, don't you think? It's tough to get home from work, get dinner on the table, try to pay attention to your kids and then have a stranger knocking at your door. It feels intrusive doesn't it?

But, what can I lose at this point - my day has been pretty disturbing for the most part, so I opened my door wide. They were very pleasant, surprised I invited them in, and they asked me a few questions, prayed over me and my house and departed. I don't know if they were sent to my door to pray for me and that's why it only took a few short minutes or if it was my dog taking turns punching each of them in the johnson while they talked to me, but they left pretty darn quick ;o) Poor kids.

Are you guys all keeping tabs on the Arnold? All those old thoughts of doing a comp end up buzzing around in my head at times like this. Can't wait for more pictures to be up.

Dog Park Evangelism

I've had a good week so far :o) Yesterday several people contacted me to take care of business that I've been putting off and so I was able to mark a couple of things off my inner "there are so many things on this list" list that I crumple into a heap and never get to even one of the things. Swims have been good this week. I've been keeping them shorter but really working on drills and slowing down. Yes, slowing down I think is going to be better for me in getting my speed up in the long run. I have a 6 mile run today and a 60 minute ride tomorrow before the bigger workouts of the weekend. The DOMS in my legs from Monday's workout is finally leaving and I'm able to navigate the stairs this morning :o)

I don't talk about dog park much but I'm there a lot - at least 4 times a week probably. You meet almost as many eccentric people at DP (used to be code for Dog Park in front of the pooch until she caught on ;-) as you will in the sauna at the gym. One of my favorite people at DP is Nancy. She has an airedale - possibly the naughtiest airedale around. Ki loves to bite Oscar's tail and hold on while he's wrestling the bigger dogs. I was talking to her about how I got pulled over a couple weeks ago on my way home from church and how funny Mai was about thinking I was going to jail, etc and she started asking me about church and then another lady kind of evesdropped into the conversation and the next thing I know, Nancy is attending church last weekend and loving it!

I am no evangelist, but I think that one of the things that has become really important in my life is letting people know that I'm a Christian, certainly by acting like it, although that one is hard! But also by being open about it. One of the things I really enjoy is when I meet someone, whether it be on a blog or in real life and I hear them giving glory to God, not keeping their Christianity a secret, but making it a normal everyday part of them.

I used to be turned off by people in my teens and 20s and 30s by goody-two-shoes type of Christians, but even though I didn't want to be, I've always been turned on by some of the most out-spoken Christians who you can just feel are filled up with giving glory to God. When I found BFL, I was part of a BFL Board started by a Christian woman and once in a while she would bring up God or the Bible or Satan and I was SO TURNED off by it (HEY! I'm here to get fit, not hear you talk about the bible!). Guess what, this same woman, on the opposite side of the country, found my church for me and helped me learn about God in a completely different way than ever before.

In PDL Day 8 the QTC is: What common task could I start doing as if I were doing it directly for Jesus? I think that through this study we are all starting to realize that everything we do IS that much better when we do it for Jesus. When was the last time you did something that brought glory to God that sucked? It might have been tough to do or felt like a struggle all the way through, but you did and wasn't the end result worth it?

Here is what I do - I have to do the frickin' laundry, right? I hate it - I decide to talk to God while I'm doing it, and before you know it, I'm done! Perfect right? Worked out great - got my chore done, got some good time in talking with God. Two minutes later, after such a great laundry episode, my husband says something to tick me off, and now it's 8 hours later and I'm in bed and realize I haven't talked to, let alone thought of God again that day. So I think that the common task that I want to start doing as if I were doing it directly for Jesus is all my everday tasks - I need to make that one task a day become two become three until my day is less about me and my emotions and just getting the job done and more about being a steady hum of giving thanks to my saviour for not only all that He has placed in my care, but for the fact that He is in my life and that nothing in this world should hold my attention over Him. There is nothing in this world that I want to hold my attention more than Him.

I think I skipped by QTC for Day 6: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?
I'm going to come back to this tonight.

As St. Irenaeus said, "The glory of God is a human being FULLY ALIVE!"

Hurtin' for Certain

Yesterday just completely tapped out my legs. After a bike ride on Sat and a run on Sun with another bike ride on Sun, I decided to hit my legs hard with deadlifts and squats yesterday followed by hill repeats. The only thing these legs are doing today is stretching! I've got some serious muscle soreness going on!

I've decided to get in some early a.m. workouts on my street. I live halfway up a killer hill that is perfect for hill repeats for running and biking. I did running (well walking and jogging) yesterday and got in 6 laps in 30 minutes. Thursday I plan to do it on the bike.

PDL
I just realized I never came back and answered the QTC for Day 5.
First, I loved the quote by Anias Nin: We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
This is so true in my own life of always needing to be right. Always thinking that my way is the right way - it makes sense why I always feel wronged by people...I'm not seeing things as they are, I am seeing them only from my perception.

QTC for Day 5: What happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? I can think of several. One is a loss of income and how I handled our finances after that.

What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me? Steve and Jack and Mai. I started to list more things, but really, these are the three that I think I am supposed to be focusing on.

Day 6 Life Is A Temporary Assignment
I loved this chapter!! It really made it pretty crystal clear, didn't it? What I love about bible studies is that you can read different verses and chapters of the bible, or the bible all the way through and you don't always catch the significance of certain words or phrases like "The bible uses terms like alien, pilgrim, foreigner, stranger, visitor, and traveler to describe our brief stay on Earth." Look at all those words that tell us emphatically that this is NOT our home, we are visitors here. "Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul"

I was particulary interested in the paragraphs on P49-50
"Compared with other centuries, life has never been easier for much of the Western world. We are constantly entertained, amused, and catered to. With all the fascinating attractions, mesmerizing media, and enjoyable experiences available today, it's easy to forget that the pursuit of happiness is not what life is about. Only as we remember tht life is a test, a trust, and a temporary assignment will the appeal of these things lose their grip on our lives. We are preparing for something even better. "The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

The fact that earth is not our ultimate home explains why, as followers of Jesus, we experience difficulty, sorrow, and rejection in this world. It also explains why some of God's promises seem unfulfilled, some prayers seem unanswered, and some circumstances seem unfair. This is not the end of the story.

In order to keep us from become too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction in life - longings that will never be fulfilled on this side of eternity. We're not completely happy here because we're not supposed to be! Earth is not our final home; we were created for something much better."

P51
You will not be in heaven two seconds before you cry out, "Why did I place so much importance on things that were so temporary? What was I thinking? Why did I waste so much time, energy, and concern on what wasn't going to last?"
When life gets tough, when you're overwhelmed with doubt, or when you wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, remember that you are not home yet. At death you won't leave home - you'll go home.

LOVED THIS CHAPTER!!
DAY 6 QTC: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignement change the way I am living right now?

Meet Cadence

I made a big step today and finally bought a road bike!!! ~ Meet Cadence. She was in my possession for less than two hours before I broke her. Grrr.
I was out for a 25 mile ride and at 15 miles she quit shifting into the smaller gears so after doing everything I could think of and poking everything I could poke, I headed home and took a shower and after I was all cleaned up, Steve went up to her, smacked her good and she started working again. Hmm.
I'll take her out again for some hill repeats this week to see how I do climbing with the double crank.

I ran for an hour this morning and was beat or I would have taken her back out for some more slick rainy roads once Steve "fixed" her.

Mai and I decided to make Poo Bars tonight. Have you guys had these things? They are a Precision Nutrition recipe and I'm not sure of the correct name but I got them off of Skwigg's blog a couple years ago and she called them Poo Bars ('cause they look just like a bathroom log when they're done cooking). HOWEVER...Mai and I realized when we were mixing them up and dipping our fingers into the batter that the best part of making Poo bars is when they are uncooked! ... so we decided to see if they will last in the fridge (the only thing I'm worried about is the bananas going funky) and we'll eat them like cake batter this week for pre and post workout yumminess.

Purpose Driven Life
Day 4 QTC: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?

I could think of quite a few scenarios to answer this question, but I'm going with this one:
I should stop worrying what people think.
I should start making relationships with all people the most important thing in my day- not just the ones I have (and need work on) with my family and friends, but the relationships I have with the checker at Safeway and the gas station attendant, people at the gym, the person whose eye I catch driving down the road...everyone.

P36 "This life is preparation for the next"...and I need to keep that at the forefront of my mind. I have work to do here on Earth and I would hate for this life to end and realize that I never got around to it.

P39 "We will enjoy unbroken fellowship with God, and he will enjoy us for an unlimited, endless forever." WOW WOW WOW - unbroken fellowship with God. I mean, c'mon - does it get any better than that? I cannot wait to meet my maker and share unbroken fellowship with Him.