Today, Tina asked us today to think about who loves us and to see ourselves through their eyes. I spent lots of time with the family today and thought about it as Mai and I went school clothes shopping and then to The Saturday Market...
and then out to lunch...
I was in a bit of a mood, so being grumpy didn't help me do much but see a very grumpy me through their eyes. If I were them I would have ignored me...but they love me. I think it must be much easier for the kids than for Steve. They often don't see the subtleties, but he does...
Although, lately... a couple of times, Mai has asked me if I'm mad at her. She's starting to hear my sighs more, sees me turn away in anger and it's hard to face her and be the adult when all I want to do is act like a child not getting my way. I want to throw the tantrum, I want my way...and...well, I'm the mom, right? I have to play grown up even when I don't feel like it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, other than sometimes I can't believe they still love me when I act so unloveable. But I know they do, and that counts for EVERYTHING.
I found this picture of me and my best friend today.
I've been pretty unloveable to her, too, but she's never let me down. I reached out to her today. We've lost each other to different lives, different locations over the years but it's a relationship I don't want to end, so I'm going for it. We'll make it work.
I guess what I figured out today is that as unloveable as I can be, I'm still loved. That's quite a gift.
Another gift I received today was a surprise visit from Mom and Dad. Well, it wouldn't have been a surprise if I would ever answer my phone...
I got to spend some time with Dad on a road trip up to Vancouver to check out a kayak and Mai got to show off all her new school clothes for the 4th time today, but this time to a new person...someone who I'm sure fawned over her more than I did...The Grammy!
After they headed home, we made our way into the very dark backyard to honor the first weekend of College football by tossing around the pigskin until Steve killed me with a pass that totally jammed my ring finger. I'm done. Guess we'll make up today another time as my bed is calling my name. Lights out.
G'night.
4 comments:
For being so grumpy you did a GREAT job of making the best of it and GOOD FOR YOU for reaching out to reconnect with your friend! That picture looks like you were having so much fun...and I'm sure you'll be having more of those times in the very near future!!!
Ahhh, the kids and their undying love - we are so blessed! It does a Mommy good to sit back and take it in, and also take in our actions and reactions...those little darlings don't miss a beat you know! I have to remind myself of this DAILY...even the big boy (who is now 21). When they get that old, they like to call you on your behaviour...as if they're an adult or something crazy like that. Pfffft!!!
Have a great day today, Julie!
I feel like that sometimes too where I want to be the one allowed to throw a fit and just get my way. Today has kind of felt like that too. The husband has to work on his car alllll day and I need a break. It's hard being a mom. But, like you said, we still have these wonderful little people who love and need us. It makes it easier.
Thanks for being so nice to me, Skid Kitty ;-)
You obviously understand!
Tina, AMEN! It's the hardest job, like...EVER! Hope you get a break soon <3
Julie-
I was thinking about you and going through your blog and this brought me to tears! No matter how long time goes without us talking, you are forever in my heart! There is no way that you can be unlovable to me I just love you too much...because you are a wonderful, lovable person and a wonderful friend.
Lynn
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