Monday, January 3, 2011

The Case of the Mysteriously Non-Sweaty Girl

I don't particularly like spin class the first couple times back at it. And then I never continue with it long enough to really be "back at it", but I always feel like a champion after each class. Nothing like thoroughly soaking your clothes to realize just how hard you've worked.

So, when the thermometer showed me yet another f..f..f..freezing day in the forecast and after hearing that my dad wore 3 pairs of pants on his bike ride yesterday and still froze his patootie off...well...I realized it was spin class or bust.

Knowing it was the first day back to the gym in almost a year for some gym goers and all classes were bound to be full, I decided to arrive early to claim my bike. I lifted weights for 1/2 and hour and then hit the bike room which was like a sauna. The sun was blasting through the window and the heat must have been on and since I already had a sweat going, I was in heaven. After yesterday's Adventures in Sledding , I could use a little heat in my life. But I thought for sure the girl whose bike was directly in the sun and who was wearing the thickest sweatshirt I've ever seen, would soon have to start shedding some clothes.

While pondering when exactly she was going to start undressing, I wiped my brow with what I soon realized was a very new hand towel. So new that it had lint flying off of it. With the sun shining in on me, my whole area looked like a dust bunny gone bad. I was positive I must have hundreds of little lint balls all over my face but before I could check myself out in the mirror, I breathed in...
...I have to interrupt here and tell you how I breath. Whether it is on a bike, on a hike, on a run, or just sitting at my desk pondering something, I breath like I'm the star pupil in lamaze class and I'm preparing to birth a child.
...So...I breathed in and realized that something flew into my mouth with my inhale...
...and it was lodged against the opening of my throat and I was choking to death. Surprisingly, in this instant, I did not freak out. I thought it through and realized if I put my fingers in my mouth, I would probably get athlete's foot or something equally as disgusting because I did not wash my hands after lifting weights. I also thought that I might draw too much attention to myself. Although, I must admit, not breathing and eventually falling off my bike probably would draw attention as well.

I managed to wrap my tongue around whatever it was that was blocking my airway and maneuvered it out and out and out to the side of my mouth like a magician who keeps pulling the silk handkerchiefs out of his hand, pretty hanky after pretty hanky with no end in sight. And this is what I got for my effort...

...well, not exactly, but close! Seriously. Some freakishly long thread must have been loose on my towel and when I inhaled, it made a straight shot for my tonsils and then headed on down the back of my throat, leaving just a teeny tiny end sticking up to tickle my uvula. When it wouldn't let me swallow it, I had no choice but to pull it back up.

Class went on around me and I think no one was the wiser of my near demise and I continued to secretly check out sweatshirt girl. After completely soaking my clothes, I went to the locker room and who should follow me in but Ms. Sweatshirt wearing girl herself... with make-up perfectly in place and not a drop of sweat to be found on her sweatshirt clad body. Very, very mysterious indeed. I may have to return to class on Wednesday to see if this mystery can be solved.... Something just isn't right in my world if you leave spin class smelling like a rose and looking that good.

15 comments:

deb said...

Julie, I just love how you tell a story, always willing to live in the ridiculous. Thanks for the chuckle!

deb

Natalia said...

Yes, I'm looking forward to hearing part 2.....it would be great if you could watch her in a mirror.......

Abby said...

You do know how to tell a story! I can't believe that happened! I would have panicked!

We have a girl like that in our gym. She has 6 kids, she drops them off in the nursery and then works out for 3-4 hours, but she NEVER sweats!! Last month I taught a class for potential instructors that wanted to learn to teach. She signed up for it, but a couple classes in said she already knew all this stuff. HA! She doesn't take my classes anymore, because I'm on her the whole time, because I want to MAKE HER SWEAT darnit!!!!

Julie said...

Deb - sometimes I'm amazed at how ridiculous I really am :-)

Natalia - I'm totally going back on Wednesday!

Abby - I want you to make her sweat, too! You are so funny! And a good trainer!

racing dawn said...

you are hilarious!

glad you survived and didn't meet your what could have been a very young demise... ;)

it's my firm belief that you are not in shape if you do not sweat. therefore, the mystery woman is not hardcore - her body is not in tune yet to perspire energy she is working off. she's not foolin anyone. be sure to let her know that IF she shows up on wedndesday... :)

**unfortunately there's no scientific evidence to back up my theory but i'm pretty sure i'm right on..

ginabrocato said...

omg...i'm laughing so hard I almost pee'd my pants!!!

Allison said...

HAHAHA!!!!! There is always "that girl"!

Welcome revolutionists.....

ERG said...

I loved the story about choking on the thread...

but I am sorry!

I just have NO IDEA what you mean talking about sweat ;) What is that?! Heh..sounds like you need a part 2!

Kate said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud and almost choke on my mango sorbet!!! I can just picture that long piece of string freakishly coming out of your throat! bahahaha. (okay, not funny that you almost choked and died).

Sweatshirt girl CLEARLY needs to turn the dial on her bike. She is probably only spinning at the lowest resistance. Or she is a FREAK of NATURE and I want to be her. :)

My Life and Running said...

We just watched The Ring. Seen it? Remember the part where she chokes up a string? That's what I flashed to while reading this. :) Glad you're okay.

Rose said...

What is the point of exercising if you're not going to be covered in sweat? It's one of my favorite parts.

Crazy.

Julie D. said...

Not possible!! Can you sneak a picture?! ;) Glad your freak 'accident' inhalation did not keep you from class! :)

Laurie said...

Glad a giant yarnball didn't lead to your demise.
Maybe Ms. No-Sweat is a robot or something. At my gym the spinning room is just about 8 degrees so it is often impossible to sweat. It's sort of painful, actually.

Julie said...

Today's the day...I'll let you guys know if she shows :-)

Laurie - REALLY? Holy freezeville! Not a problem at our gym. In fact all four huge industrial ceiling fans were going and we were all (with exception of one ;-) sweating buckets.

Kevin @ Half TRI-ing said...

Death by a piece of yarn. Not the way I want to see myself go.

Kevin
http://halftriing.blogspot.com/