Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I Can't Believe How Fat I Was

Steve and Mai pulled out these old pics last night and they just blew me away. Can you believe that on this vacation to Cancun I felt fat? 5'8" and 118 pounds at that time. I had come out of a relationship with someone who had stomped on my self-esteem and was in a brand new relationship with my future husband - I guess my brain wasn't quite in the right spot yet, though.

Looking back, I see such skinny arms and legs and it's no wonder my friends gave me grief, but I remember that vacation well and I felt FAT. I remember my food intake at that time and although it wasn't very healthy, it was apparently not too abundant in calories - AND I remember why it was so easy to NOT eat too much - I was BUSY!

I would have coffee and toast for breakfast, go to work, Top Ramen for lunch, back to work. On my way to my night job I would stop at Burger King and get a deep fried, breaded chicken sandwich with MAYO (yum) and then to bed somewhere around 1am. Next day, repeat. On the weekends, instead of going to my night job I would eat pizza and drink beer and play pool with friends at our favorite bars.

Now I work from home and have a fridge full of healthy food and way too many opportunities to eat and I am getting fat! I wonder if I'll look back on pictures of myself from this time and think, "girl, you were so skinny and you just didn't realize it!". But in reality, that won't happen, because my mirror is not lying to me this time around. If I look back on today's body and think I looked skinny, my future holds more trouble for me than I want. More thoughts on that later.

I LOVE THE START OF A FRESH NEW YEAR!! I have only two resolutions this year - keep a clean house (if you've visited my very dirty house, you know this is huge for me...I'll let you know how it goes) and the second is to chop my monthly grocery bill in half ~ At least 1/2!! First shopping trip of the new year comes a day early (today)- maybe I should leave the kids at home, this could be traumatic for me.

Good reading for today:


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

OMG, Julie you were way thin!!! It is amazing how our body image plays tricks with our minds. We have one goal in common for 2009, keeping a clean house! This is going to be a tough one for me too :-) Here are the rest of my goals

Krissa said...

OMG. That doesnt even seem like it could be you since you seem to be the picture of HEALTHY now. I am glad you were able to get to a more healthy weight.

It is crazy how we think we look vs how we really look. I have patients (in their 70's, 80's, even 90's) who tell me, "I used to think I was fat. Now I would walk around naked if I could go back to that." It is amazing what older women will tell you about self image. They are often an inspiration.

Two very good goals. I also want to cut down my grocery bill. Do you mind me asking how much you currently spend each month? I am only buying groceries for my husband and I but we still spend 110 bucks each week--maybe 125. Of course some of that may be toilet paper, tooth paste, shampoo but STILL! I cannot imagine having to buy groceries for children too! We will go broke! Maybe then I will lose weight quick because there will be less food :)

Good luck with your goals. Happy New Year.

Visionquester said...

It is weird. I know at my contests I see these girls running around in their warm ups and their butts look so teeny tiny, then I get the contest pictures back and my butt was actually smaller than theirs but I would have never guessed.

I have routinely been 15 pounds heavier whenever I have stayed home for an extended period of time and routinely 15 pounds lighter when working outside of the home.

You got this...2009 is Julie's year to shine!

Happy New Year!!!

Well Behaved Krissy said...

Perception is NOT always reality, is it girl? Wow! Hope you continue to have one hell of a year and I'm HAPPY to help with the budget cutting! Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover, I'm SERIOUS!

Julie said...

Gina, I'm going to comment on your goals on your blog.

Krissa, We generally allow for 1200 per month for groceries(including pt food, toothpaste, etc as well)but I generally spend a bit more than that. I really think I can cut that in 1/2 or close if I really put some effort into it. We have this great grocery store here called Winco (I don't know if they are national) and the prices are just amazing! I have tried to utilize this store as often as possible in the past, but will be doing all shopping there now. Basically the only difference is that you have to bag your own stuff and they don't take credit cards. Prices are so much lower! If you can find a store like this in your are, TAKE ADVANTAGE! I swear that what I get for $300 at Safeway, I can get for $150 at Winco!!

Cynthia ~ Your experience with weight gain from staying at home reiterates my thoughts. I need to think on how I can overcome this issue.

Kris ~ We have Total Money Makeover and have used his advice "somewhat" but I've balked at some of the stuff that Steve wanted me to do, which now has become imperative, so we'll be pulling our book out again today.

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Jessica said...

Hey chica!

You were WAY skinny! WAY! Wow. It doesn't even look like the same Julie!! I think it is so hard to have a healthy perception about your body and be able to look also look "honestly" in the mirror. So many of us struggle to have that honest conversation and on the flip side you have to be honest as well. I am sure you look great now! And you probably know what little changes you need to make to be more healthy.

I was actually lighter when I worked out of the house because I made healthier choices and ate more consistently and frequently. My downfall at work is I eat too little and make bad choices.

Great goals for the year!! I too am going to try to keep a cleaner house...that is a big one for me too!

Thanks for sharing and knock em dead in 2009!