Sometimes you wake up at 6am on a NO school day and can't fall back to sleep and realize this is going to be an ugly day.
You enjoy your coffee and peace and quiet for 20 minutes before the boy wakes up early on a NO school day and then the day begins.
You try to get work done in your office and realize it will be close to impossible with the kids wandering in and out while trying to explain to you about the different axes of rotation on Jupiter and Saturn and what gases they consist of.
You grab some duct tape and make your daughter do the shark skill test over and over until she's winded and sweaty while you continue to try to work.
Then you give up on work completely and decide to take the dog and kids on a hike and get in a fight over whether or not wearing a coat is an option, which it is obviously not. You arrive at the trailhead in the midst of a huge rain shower and find out the girl didn't bring said coat on this cold and blustery day. You lose your mind, turn right around and make them ride the entire way home with the threat of wedgies and purple nurples if either one of them utters a peep.
You take the dog for a measly one mile walk around the neighborhood once the girl gets her coat.
The pooch is TICKED.
You (who never swears, let alone in front of the kids) are informed by the 6 year old that you said three naughty words today:
Mama, you said D.A.M.M.I.T twice and P.I.S.S.E.D once. (girl can spell!)
You decide that you should probably give yourself a "time out" so you get in the car to go to the bank and sit there for a minute thinking that you should be better behaved and that God is Great and Life is Good and you have so much to be thankful for.
You turn on the car and the gas light comes on and you forget that last sentence and curse the only other driver in the house.
You drive on fumes to the bank and realize that the reason the kids are home from school today and why you've been "liking" all those Veterans notes on Facebook is because it's a freaking holiday and the banks are closed.
You make it to the gas station and are forced to squint your eyes tight and plug your ears and say lalalalala over and over again so you aren't mistaken for someone who might have overheard the following and be called to court in a sexual harassment case.
Female Gas Station Attendant on #4 (who is having trouble with the nozzle and a car): I can't get this in.
Male Gas Station Attendant on #5: That's what I always say.
Phew! Got out of there fast and made it to Blockbuster Express to turn in the movie I rented last night that I HAD ALREADY SEEN BEFORE! but didn't realize it until I got all nice and cozied up and made it through the previews.
Who said you need a chick flick to enjoy a good glass of wine by yourself..
Wasn't me :-)