What a weekend. Sometimes I just want to smack myself in the face with my own fist - over and over. How can I go from being so committed to God, pouring out my soul to Him, my desire to live for Him and then in a nanosecond I am as far away from God as I could be? On Saturday I had the opportunity to get out on my own for awhile. Driving down the road, I turn off the radio and just take the opportunity to talk to God - just praying and praising and talking. In a flash I find myself flipping off some lady who was mad at me and giving her the stoniest unfriendly stare that I think actually scared her. WHAT THE...?? What is wrong with me? Then later that night I just lit into Steve - only about two sentences but so bad that I'm sure they'll stick with him for ...oh...probably our entire marriage.

Steve decided on his own to come with us to church as a family Sunday morning and it was nice to have someone sitting next to me. He even offered to go next Saturday and take the kids out to eat afterwards. Maybe he thinks if he gets me to church more consistently it will be better on him in the long run? Anyways, the sermon was Pastor's sex talk he gives every 2 or 3 years. He started it with a clip from "Meet the Parents" where De Niro has Ben Stiller hooked up to the lie detector. Steve always gets a kick out of Pastor Kip's video clips, so it went well for Steve I think.

I saw Steve Carell's Dan in Real Life on Sunday. Total chick flick and I loved it! Went by myself and just vegged out!!! Also watched Infamous about Truman Capote from the library and didn't think I would like it much, but it drew me in good!

Got the good news from Steve last night that we get to go down to Gold Beach for Thanksgiving!! I haven't seen my G'ma in so long. G'pa took a fall about two months ago and is in a fully assisted care home now. I don't think he'll recognize me...he doesn't always recognize G'ma or Mom lately, but I want to see him. Mom doesn't think he will hold on much longer. I'm scared to see him. I don't want to lose it in front of him.
I have gone to Gold Beach every year of my life but two. Last year it just didn't work out for everyone - too many new babies, young toddlers and pregnant peeps. I think everyone just kind of thought it would be too much work, but we all missed it horribly. I don't think the whole gang will be there, but a good bit, so I'm excited to see many of my Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and their kiddos. Knowing the Oregon coast in November, it will be dreary weather, but Mai is convinced it won't be so bad she shouldn't take all of her sand equipment... Either way, I know SHE will have fun. She's just that kind of a girl.